People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #136:
- Here are some things to do when your loved one is in an abusive relationship:
- Express concern and your willingness to help.
- Give them a way to alert you that you need to call the police or help them get out of the situation.
- Call the police if you know or have very good reason to believe that your loved one is in danger. Don’t hesitate; just do it!
- Send your loved one healing energy, thoughts, and/or prayers.
- Ask yourself whether what you’re planning to do might put this person in danger.
- There are also some things you should avoid doing in these circumstances:
- Don’t communicate in writing about their relationship or safety issues (unless it’s a time-sensitive emergency).
- Don’t suggest that the person in an abusive relationship should go to couple’s therapy.
- Don’t confront or agitate the abuser.
- Don’t judge your loved one who is being abused.
- Be aware that the most dangerous time for an abused person is right after they leave their abuser. The abused person should go to a domestic violence shelter (rather than a loved one’s house) when they leave, because the shelter will have resources to help.
Highlights from Episode #136:
- Welcome to episode 136! Let’s talk about what to do in terms of your boundaries when someone you love is in a specific kind of danger. [00:39]
- Vicki starts things off by sharing some statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. [04:47]
- What are some things you should not do when you’re dealing with someone facing domestic violence? [07:20]
- Vicki talks about the most dangerous time for someone leaving an abusive relationship. [12:42]
- We learn some things that you can or should do in this type of situation. [15:24]
- Vicki shares a resource: the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can call or text them at (800) 799-7233. [21:35]
- What if someone you love doesn’t want to talk about it? [22:35]
Links and Resources:
- Vicki’s monthly Boundaries Clarifier Workshops
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook
- Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram
- The Radiant Threefold Path
- Beyond Bitchy on Spotify
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline – or call or text them at (800) 799-7233