A question I get from time to time that always surprises me: “What do you do when you make a request of another person, and they ignore your request?” Assuming that you know that the other person heard your request, it’s painful to get no response. Today’s episode explores what to do if this happens to you.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #42:
- How you respond when someone ignores your request depends a lot on who you made a request of, the type of request you’ve made, and how important that request is to you.
- There are different ways that people can ignore requests: pretending they didn’t hear (or read) the request, or tell you they’ll get back to you later and then never follow up.
- When an important request of an important person is ignored, start with the least pathological explanation. If the person says they’ll get back to you but they don’t, follow up with them and ask for a timeframe. If they responded to your communication but not your request, follow up on the request specifically.
- If you’ve done all of the above but this person still avoids responding, you have important information about that person. What does it mean for you to know that this person is avoidant? Can you get your want or need met without agreement from this person?
Highlights from Episode #42:
- Vicki welcomes listeners to this episode, which will address the question of what you do when your request is ignored. [00:39]
- We hear a quick refresher on the difference between zones of privacy and zones of intimacy, and how they’re relevant to today’s question. [03:20]
- Vicki clarifies the spectrum of attachment styles, and points out that people who ignore requests tend to lean toward the avoidant end of the spectrum. [07:04]
- There are a couple of ways that people can ignore requests, Vicki explains. [09:36]
- Vicki offers advice on what to do assuming the request and person are important to you. [12:12]
- We hear a story of something that happened to Vicki that’s relevant to her points. [14:53]
- What do you do if you’ve done everything right, but the person still doesn’t respond? [19:50]
- Vicki shares a question to ask yourself, and advice on how to find the answer. [22:38]
- If you’re asking someone who’s not very important to you for a very small thing, and you continue to repeat your request, you may have deeper issues around your perception that others are ignoring you are or dismissive. [25:45]
- Vicki recaps the points that she’s covered today. [27:54]
Links and Resources:
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 23: TMI, and Other Problems When Sharing Personal Information
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 9: Introduction to the 5-Step Boundary Solution
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 10: Knowing and Owning Your Reality (Step 1 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 11: Getting Your Needs Met (Step 2 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 12: Your Power Center (Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 14: Taking Action! (Step 4 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 15: When Boundaries are Successful . . . or Not (Step 5 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)