It’s the first episode of the month, and that means we’re focusing on boundary issues related to women. While both men and women can struggle with over-giving, women are particularly vulnerable to people-pleasing or saying “yes” to every request. Today, we’ll talk about five signs that you’re over-giving, and what to do about it.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #45:
- Most women will significantly extend — and overextend — themselves for others, but they may neglect themselves in the process. Think of giving and receiving like breathing — giving is the exhale, and receiving the inhale. Both need to be in balance.
- There are several reasons why women tend to over-give. Women are trained to be nice and nurturing, they may suffer from codependency (which can be more apparent in women than men), and they may believe they have to say “yes” in order to be liked.
- Here are the five signs that you may be over-giving:
- You’re resentful.
- You almost always say “yes” when someone asks you to do something.
- You consistently feel under-appreciated and undervalued.
- You have a compulsive need or habit to tell others about the wonderful things you’re doing or how hard you’re working.
- You believe that your “yes” is directly related to how much someone will like you.
- To end over-giving, try these tools:
- Use the “good enough” test by asking yourself whether what you’ve done is good enough.
- Ask yourself whether you can say “yes” without feeling resentment.
- For a temporary period of time, give to yourself before giving to others.
- Ask a friend or your spouse whether they think you over-give.
- For one month, write down all the times you said “yes” and later regretted it.
Highlights from Episode #45:
- Welcome to episode 45! Today’s topic is over-giving, something that women tend to be more vulnerable to than men. [00:39]
- We learn about some of the reasons why women are vulnerable to over-giving, which include pressure to be “nice,” suffering from codependency, and believing we have to say “yes” to be liked. [03:17]
- Vicki talks about the first two of the five signs that you may be over-giving. [10:29]
- If you struggle with saying “no,” Vicki recommends listening to Episode 34. [16:49]
- We learn about the third and fourth signs of over-giving. [17:42]
- Vicki explores the fifth sign of over-giving, which involves saying “yes” too much. [22:24]
- We learn some quick and practical tools to end over-giving. [24:56]
- Vicki recaps the points that she has covered in today’s episode. [33:12]
Links and Resources:
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
- Pia Mellody
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 34: Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice
- The Need to Please: Mindfulness Skills to Gain Freedom from People Pleasing and Approval Seeking by Micki Fine MEd LPC