Have you ever been given advice, suggestions, recommendations, or feedback that you didn’t ask for or want? Or maybe you tend to offer these things yourself? I was inspired to create this episode shortly before Valentine’s Day, when a blog follower let me know about a typo in an email I sent to one of my lists. Tune in to learn why giving unsolicited advice and feedback is problematic, how to determine whether to offer another person feedback, and what to do if someone offers you their unsolicited opinions or feedback.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #46:
- When you give unsolicited advice or feedback, you’re on the boundary-less end of a continuum (the other end is being too walled off and not vulnerable at all).
- In some cases, offering unsolicited advice is logical or practical. For example, if someone is struggling to operate a mechanical device or can’t figure out that they need to push or pull a door to open it, by all means offer some assistance!
- Here are three simple guidelines to consider when you’re tempted to offer unsolicited advice or feedback:
- Don’t assume that someone wants your feedback just because they’re sharing a problem with you. Sometimes people just want to be heard!
- If you want to share feedback, advice, or your own experience, first ask if the person wants it or is open to hearing it.
- If you ask and they say “no,” just drop it and respect their boundary.
- If you’re on the receiving end of unsolicited feedback, try a neutral response like, “Well, that’s interesting,” or “I never really thought about it like that,” or “I didn’t know that,” and then just drop it.
Highlights from Episode #46:
- Today’s quick tips episode addresses the topic of giving feedback. Vicki starts things off by explaining what feedback has to do with boundaries. [00:39]
- Sometimes it’s logical or practical to offer unsolicited advice, Vicki explains, and gives an example. [02:50]
- Vicki talks about what inspired her to record this episode. [05:03]
- We hear about other cases of potentially problematic unsolicited advice. [10:10]
- Vicki offers listeners three simple guidelines to decide whether to offer unsolicited feedback or advice. [11:51]
- Vicki explains how she uses these guidelines both personally and professionally. [13:56]
- What do you do if you’re on the receiving end of unsolicited feedback? [15:35]
- If you’re the person in the habit of giving unsolicited advice, Vicki provides a homework assignment: try to not give any feedback at all for a temporary period of time, and give people in your life permission to choose not to receive your feedback. [17:39]
Links and Resources:
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
- Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Love on Valentine’s Day by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
- Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 3: Boundaries in Balance (and at the Extremes) + Boundary Ruptures and Boundary Violations